Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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