I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
