He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
