Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
