Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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