maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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