Can i not drive my cunt home
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my shit smells like andre
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
