I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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