i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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