Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
