So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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