I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
