omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
no, he came in my armpit
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
