im drinking this country out of the recession.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
