Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
