85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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