I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
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The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
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Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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