it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
