You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
