Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
