I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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