So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
