okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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