You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
