At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
