so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
