Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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