nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
