omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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