K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
