There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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