It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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