Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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