Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
