Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
