I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
pop tarts are not kleenex
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
