Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
