I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
