i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
