So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
