I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
