Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
