in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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