let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
