perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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