I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
