well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
