I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
