Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
