Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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