I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I faked an abortion last night.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
