how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
