you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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