What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
