I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
