4 words: hood of his car
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
