I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
