i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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