marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
