My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
