I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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