some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
