If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
