Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
