did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
