he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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